This blog has become a type of therapy for me. I bet you've noticed the roller coaster of emotions that I seem to blog about. In real life, I am not good expressing my feelings. But for some reason, this blog allows me to talk about things that I would never usually talk about. This has been very therapeutic for me. It has allowed me to examine myself, my walk with Christ as well as my daily relationships.
So here is another therapy session about to take place. I grew up without a dad (he died when I was 13 months old). I do have a grandfather that was/is amazing. He was definitely my father figure growing up and I was blessed to be able to spend alot of time with him and my grandmother. However, it is not the same.
I remember as a child yearning for a father. I remember going to friend's houses and pretending to be a part of that family so that I could see what it might be like if I had a dad. I remember being jealous of my cousins because their dad called them nicknames. I remember feeling left out when friends talked about things that they did with their dads.
As I have grown, there are more things that I have not been able to experience. I wish that I would have had that relationship. I wish that I would have had those arms to fall into. I wish that I knew what that relationship is like. I look at the way Ryan is with our kids and think "oh, that is what it must be like."
Then I am reminded of something. Something so deep and powerful that it rocks my core. Even though I do not have an earthly father, I do have my Heavenly Father. He loves me more than anyone ever has. He ADOPTED me into his family regardless of my sins. He has the ultimate arms to fall into. And even though I am fatherless here on earth, I have a Father who is waiting for the right time to call me home.