Tuesday, June 19, 2012

almost done

Today, June 19, is our little guy's birthday!  This is his last birthday to be without us, to be without a family.  In honor of him, I have worked on his room and almost have it ready!  The African Suite is now complete with his dresser as well as some wall decor.  This hangs above his bed.

Grace has one that matches that is over her bed as well.  Trying to figure out where to hang a few more things in their room.... but so close to being done.  Now just to get him home... that has turned into another story. Ugh.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

a song will do it...

Driving today something unexpected happened.   I was over mid-way in on my 5 hour drive home from dropping off the big kids at kamp.  I had exhausted all of the radio stations and decided to plug in Kay's iPod.  She has a good selection of music... some praise and worship, some Christian rock/pop, lots of Taylor Swift and of course some Need to Breathe.

I had listened to several of her musical selections when "Back to December" came on. I have heard this song multiple times but today was different. Maybe it was the silence of the backseat, maybe it was the road I was driving on, maybe it was just my mind getting the best of me.

Last October, I took Kay to see Taylor Swift in concert.  When she played this song for us, I happened to look down at my phone and notice that I had a text.  This text was telling me that the birth mom who had chose us as the family for her baby had changed her mind.  She had given birth and she just couldn't let her baby go.  Months of us talking and planning this adoption together instantly were smashed into a million little pieces.  The rest of the concert was a blur.  The ride home was a blur.

Ironically, or maybe not, this song is about being sorry for things that were done.  I wonder now if that birth mom regrets her choice. Now that she has had time and reality has come full speed at her.   Babies are hard enough but to be a single mother in her circumstances....

As I worked through all of these emotions, Deacon came to my thoughts.  If that adoption would have been successful, he wouldn't be ours.  He wouldn't have our family as his.

Then Phil Wickham's song "Beautiful" came on. Tears flowed and I was reminded that even through pain He is always there. He has a plan, the best plan. He needs us to experience loss so that we can grow closer to him through it.  He breaks us down so that He can build us up. He is beautiful.