The Smith's Adoption Journey

and it begins again.....

2012-01-26T18:03:00.000-06:00

Well, not really but kind of. Over the last year, we have tried to adopt domestically on 2 different fronts but that hasn't worked out as we would have hoped. God has a reason for everything right......

So after much prayer and consideration, we are starting another international adoption. Back to Africa! We have decided to adopt from Uganda. Uganda borders Rwanda on the northern side. We are familiar with Uganda as we support Katie Davis (www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com). She has an amazing ministry there and has painted such a picture through her blog and book. There are over 2 million orphans in this small country with 1 million being orphaned due to HIV/AIDS. We have been there before too! Technically anyway.... when we went to get Grace our flight from Ethiopia landed in Uganda and we all stepped out to get some fresh air. So the tarmac has felt our presence anyway!

We are so excited for this next journey into adoption. We are trying to be faithful and obedient. We would have never thought we would have ended up here.... love to see how God works things out.

Where we are in our process.....
We are just about to finish up with our homestudy and our dossier is just about complete. A couple of things that were mailed off for the homestudy are also needed for the dossier. The paperwork is easier this time around because I know what I am doing! I like the paperchase... it gives me a sense of accomplishment in a world where you can't control much.

Stay tuned for more about Uganda and our decision!

pictorial ode to a boy

2012-01-23T13:44:00.000-06:00

Cannon turns 8 today.... I sure didn't know what to do with "a boy." Still don't! Wow, has he kept life fun! A few of my favorites...

modeling his new "man robe", 7 years old

football player, 7 years old

his lips were cold, 5 years old

cake, 2 years old

you can just see the orneriness, 5 years old

at the beach, 5 years old

do I have something in my teeth? 4 years old

always sweet when sleeping, 5 years old

showing his muscles, 4 years old

no teeth, 7 years old

pure boy, 5 years old

self portrait, years old

sweetness, 3 weeks old

handsome, 2 years old

baby love, 9 months old

nice hat, 5 years old

loves his ties, 6 years old

M O M

2012-01-13T21:45:00.000-06:00

Grace is a big Pre-K girl this school year. She is 4 1/2 years old and is working hard on learning her ABC's and her 123's. She can write her name but that is really the only word in her writing vocabulary. Every day she practices writing letters. Every day she works to hold that pencil just right and connect the lines just right.

Yesterday she gave me a piece of paper. She said "I made that for you." I told her thanks and put it in the passenger car seat. Sweet Grace brings home lots of papers every day and I usually put them all in a pile then look through them at a later time. When I was cleaning out the car, I was going through the papers and I saw this.... M O M. Wow. I put it carefully in the front seat.

Later when we were back in the car, she saw the piece of paper she had so carefully written MOM on. She picked it up and again said "I made that for you. I want you to keep it forever." Again, wow. Our little girl has come so far. I am so proud of the effort she puts into learning. It may not come easy to her to sit and write. To know her letters and her numbers sometimes is a struggle. But oh how I will treasure this piece of paper and the first time she wrote MOM.

2012-01-10T21:13:00.000-06:00

I am not an avid reader. I never have been. The only way I really LOVE reading is if I get pulled into a great book. This happens maybe a couple of times a year and that is only because someone else has told me what a good book it was. The kids and I were talking this and my reading choices in elementary school. They were shocked and appalled when I told them my frequent reading choice was the Garfield comic strip book or Calvin & Hobbes. I do want to come my defense and say that I am a good reader, I just may not enjoy it (I know gasp...). I am so thankful for the kid's teachers who have helped them to develop their love of reading. No comic strip books for them!

I am reading a great book now, "Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption." I have been trying to start it since Thanksgiving but today I got sucked in.... Our family is very familiar with Katie. We read her blog and support her monthly. Kaylee wants to be like Katie when she grows up. Kay even dressed up as Katie for Halloween this year! Katie's devotion to doing God's will is inspiring to us and we hope to be as open as she is.

Today I came to a part that particularly has to do with adoption. The following is a passage that really hit me in the face. I have had some of these thoughts before and she sums it all up so well...

Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. Adoption is also difficult and painful. Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the Gospel in my living room. And sometimes, it's just hard.

As a parent, it's hard not to know when your daughter took her first steps or what her first word was or what she looked like in kindergarten. It's hard not to know where she slept and whose shoulder she cried on and what the scar on her eyebrow is from. It's hard to know that for ten years yours was not the shoulder she cried on and you were not the mommy she hugged.

As a child, it's hard to remember your biological parents' death, no matter how much you love your new mom. It's hard to have your mom be a different color than you because inevitably people are going to ask why. It's hard that your mom wasn't there for all the times you had no dinner and all the times you were sick and all the times you needed help with your homework. It's hard when you have to make up your birthday. It's hard when you can't understand the concept of being a family forever yet, because your first family wasn't forever.

Adoption is a redemptive response to tragedy that happens in this broken world. And every single day, it is worth it, because adoption is God's heart....

My family adopting these children, it is not optional. It is not my good deed for the day; it is not what I am doing to "help out these poor kids." I adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and the widows in their distress. I adopt because Jesus says that to whom much has been given, much will be demanded (Luke 12:48) and because whoever finds his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for His sake will find it (Matthew 10:39).

a review of 2011

2011-12-31T17:51:00.000-06:00

2011 was a tough year on me. Lots of hopes and dreams and not a lot of fruition. A lot of trust in God, a lot of being obedient, a lot of tears, a lot of heartache. I am praying that 2012 is much easier on me emotionally. I am praying that God shows me more "whys" instead of "because I said so." I am praying that God reveal himself to me.... Here's to a better 2012!

Here is a look back on some of the happy times of 2011.

January - Cannon turned 7

February - Pine Wood Derby

March - 2nd Annual Spring Break Oklahoma Tour

April - Easter

April - Grace turned 4

May - Opened the pool, lots of swimming this summer!

June - Big kids went to Kamp. Cannon's 1st year, Kay's 3rd year.

August through October - Lots of football!

August - 2nd, PreK & 5th grades

October - Celebrating Kay's 10th bday

October - Happy Halloween!

November - updated kids pictures

December 1: World AIDS Day, a borrowed post

2011-12-01T10:31:00.003-06:00

This post was borrowed from The Farmers Wife Tells All. This family just returned home with their child from Uganda. Today, December 1, is World AIDS Day. A day to bring attention to the disease that is one of the main cause of orphans in Africa.

I wrote this post in April when we visited Uganda for the first time. Our day at the AIDS hospital there is seared in my memory, and I feel like an appropriate way to acknowledge World AIDS Day is by stopping and recognizing that people live with this illness that ravages bodies and robs lives. This illness that is so easily treatable and preventable. Please, take a moment with me and walk in their shoes.

Today we visited an AIDS hospital. That is something I think every American should do. This particular hospital is free, so many of the people there could not recieve care elsewhere. The largest source of funding for this place is the US government. This was really interesting to me in light of the budget battles going on at home. If there is anywhere money needs to be spent, it was there.

The reason we visited this particular hospital was to carry the message that we are Americans who are open to adopting an HIV + child. In this country, HIV+ orphans are the true "least of these." It is unimaginable to people here that families would want to adopt them. But the truth is, in the US, you give your HIV+ child medication twice a day and they visit the doctor 2-4 times a year. The end. Yes, there is stigma to deal with and yes, it is a serious, lifelong illness. But it is one that can be managed. Many docotors say it's easier to manage than diabetes.

Anyway, the first thing we were told is that the patients are treated by number, not name. This is due to the stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS here.People have to keep their status a secret, and the use of numbers is a safeguard for the patients. Nonetheless, I can't imagine being treated medically as a number. It was clear from the beginning that these people are ashamed of their status. In most areas we've visited, people look at us and smile and maybe say hello. These people looked the other way if I smiled at them or looked at the ground and avoided eye contact with anyone.

Each section of the hospital we were taken to was full of people waiting for medications or to be seen by a doctor. Looking at the full benches of waiting people and knowing the small number of doctors available, I decided I will never again complain about waiting in a doctor's offiice. People arrived early in the morning, and I realized they would probably spend much of their day there.

The pediatric inpatient unit was heartbreaking for sure. We looked through the glass at a little one lying in a bed with his mother standing over him in the intensive care unit. He was listless and very sick. At this hospital, although it's free, parents must stay with their children the entire time they are being treated. They sleep on the floor under their kids' beds and are expected to help clean and perform other work during the day. For this reason, few orphans are seen here as inpatients, because there just aren't parent figures to stay with them during their care. Some babies' homes send the Mamas (caregivers) to stay with the children there, but that puts a strain on the homes as well. Because of this, many of the homes do not even take in HIV+ children.

The outpatient kids' area was much happier. Here most kids were just waiting for medications or routine checkups. There was a nice play area outside where the kids could run around while waiting to be seen. One little girl looked at Jon as we walked through, gasped, and said, "Mommy, look!" It was so cute.

What I saw mostly in this place was a lot of people doing the best they could with the very limited resources they have. When I looked at the patients, I just got a sense of how very wrong it is that this disease has devastated this continent while so many of us are oblivious to it. I saw suffering but also a lot of resilience there. It was truly a life enriching experience and I would encourage anyone who has the chance to visit an AIDS unit. Even locally in the US. These people need love and they need to know that Jesus has not forgotten them and isn't afraid of their illness.

"For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ - Matthew 25:35-40

adoption #2 update

2011-11-27T14:46:00.003-06:00

It has been almost a year since we started our 2nd adoption journey. This time last year we were almost done with our OK DHS classes that we had to complete before we could adopt. Our home study was about done and so were our background checks. We (mostly me) fully expected to have our 4th kiddo home sometime in the spring. Studies show that African American males are the least likely to get adopted, and that is exactly what we wanted. DHS needs families to adopt, right? There are so many kids that need homes right?

Well, yes. The kids that need homes are mostly over the age of 10, aren't necessarily African American in our state or there are more than 3 siblings that can't be split up. In a year, there hasn't been 1 African American under the age of 4 that was chosen for our family. We were recommended for maybe a handful but so were 100's of other families.

We also had another situation that could have ended up in adoption but that failed as well.

Confused. Heartbroken. Sad. Angry. Grieving.

Now we are in a season where Ry doesn't necessarily want to adopt again. There is too much sadness, too much pain, too much of the unknown.

Looking back, Grace's adoption was so simple. I had no idea at the time but it was. We completed our paperwork, waited, then got on a plane to bring her home.

This time we have done everything and have been waiting with nothing for almost a year. Our home study expires mid-January so we really may be at the end.

God calls us to take care of orphans, to take care of those who need help, to give a father to the fatherless. I want to be obedient. I want to do what I am feel I am called to do. I am trying.

What do I do? Private domestic adoption is ridiculously expensive, often times more than International adoption. We looked into Crisis Pregnancy Centers but they too are usually high on the dollar side as well as several of them want you to have an open adoption. I don't know that we would want that. Rwanda is closed on their adoptions right now. It has been 15 months now that they have been working on the Hague accreditation. The are no DHS children who need us. We want to provide a home for someone who needs one. Someone who needs a family. Someone who belongs in our family.

My heart aches, like really really aches. I adamantly believe there is another child out their for us. But where are they....

2011-11-09T09:08:00.002-06:00

Two years ago, Ryan and I were in Florida. I was very unsettled about our adoption and was waiting (im)patiently for our referral. We had received our approval in August and I didn't understand why the referral part was taking soooo long.

We were leaving Florida that morning. We had eaten breakfast and were headed back to our hotel room to finish packing. I had a call on my cell phone saying to check my email because our referral might be there. I flew to the computer and there it was. I had an email from a long Rwandan name. I opened it. Sadly, I looked without making sure Ryan was looking. I was selfish. I just wanted to see who would be joining our family. Looking back, I should have made sure he was right there with me.

As I scrolled down, I flew past the letter and went right to the picture. This picture.

I was like a child on Christmas morning tearing open the package without caring who or what or when. I studied the picture. Then went back up to see her name, Elina. I searched for her birthdate, April 2007. We were having a girl and she was 2 1/2 years old. We were getting our Grace. She looked so beautiful in her little dress. I was mesmerized by her little toes sticking out of the size too small sandals. Her lips, I fell in love with those lips.

Fast forward two years, through lots more paperwork, traveling, tears, learning, joy, frustration and laughter. Grace was made for our family. Grace was made to challenge me daily as a parent. Grace was made for me to love like I haven't loved before. Grace was made to bring me closer to Him.

We have come a long way in these two short years. We are all so glad that she is a part of our family. We adore her spunk, independence, feistiness, and sheer love of life.

Grace, October 2011, with her US citizenship celebratory cupcakes that Kay made.

Halloween through the years...

2011-10-31T19:14:00.004-05:00

2008

Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker

2009

Nikki the American Girl and Darth Vader

2010

Jango Fett, an Ewok, our Cupcake

2011

Pioneer Football Player, Minnie Mouse, Kisses from Katie - Katie Davis

2011-10-12T19:08:00.004-05:00

From the blue gates in Rwanda to the blue roof of the US Department of Homeland Security, Grace's citizenship is complete. It has been a long road of post-adoption paperwork. From the re-adoption, to getting an american birth certificate, to submitting the envelope full of paperwork to the USCIS office, it has been almost 2 years. We are so glad that this is complete! Now, I just have to get her a social security number then a passport.... hopefully those will be a bit easier and/or quicker!

I wasn't sure what to expect. Would there be a ceremony? Would there be an interview? All we got was a letter telling Grace she had to be here at this time on this date. Easily enough, all we did was wait for our turn then I wrote her name several times on her certificate. We surrendered her Green Card and that was it. No oath or swearing on her heart. No raise your right hand and repeat after me. Just a new "Certificate of Citizenship," a Citizen's Almanac and a letter from Barrack welcoming Grace to our country. Welcome indeed!

Here is our American citizen right after we left. She was quite happy with her flag and held it all the way home. She came saying "America, America."

Kaylee made citizenship cupcakes for her little sis. Here's Grace ready to dig in. Again with the flag :).

Our bedtime reading for tonight. We covered the important presidents listed (Washington, Lincoln, Kennedy) then recited the Pledge of Allegiance. I told Grace there would be a quiz tomorrow.

Our bedtime prayer tonight for Grace was thanking God for our country and for bringing her to our family. God shed his grace on thee...

i am not a professional

2011-10-01T15:26:00.003-05:00

Cannon has needed a hair cut for about a week and a half. It hasn't gotten done. So today after football, I said "sit down" and I attempted my first hair cut with the handy Remington clippers of course. I made sure I had the right guard on. Carefully placed the blade against his head. Moved my arm in an upward motion. Then something went wrong. He screeched. I stepped back. I tried again. Same response. Tears were flowing at this point. The haircut ladies make this look so easy. I tried one more time. More tears flowed down his dirty face. Now the lower right quadrant of his head had shorter hair than all the rest. I have no idea what I did wrong. He grabbed a hat and off we went to get his hair cut by a professional. Thank goodness for that sweet lady!

What To Expect When (You're Adopting)

2011-09-03T20:24:00.003-05:00

(first portion borrowed from Farmers Wife Tells All)

It's the universal primer on giving birth:

I remember scouring the chapters over and over during my first pregnancy, comforted by the thorough explanations of exactly what was happening inside of me and what was to come. There was even a chapter about what to expect when things don't go as expected (which could be alternately titled, 73 Ways Your Birth Might Go Wrong.) I kind of winced through that chapter, but got through it just so I'd be familiar with what was happening if disaster struck. How on earth did women give birth before this book told them how to?

Exactly, how did we do anything before books, how-to-guides, and the internet. That goes for adoption too. How did people figure out what step they are on, what they need to do next, where to send their documents? How did they know what "situations" were available and what other devices would scare them to death of doing something wrong.

I can't lie. Adoption is a tough road. There are pleasant hills and then there are deep valleys. There are newly paved roads and then there are roads filled with pot holes that will just tear you apart. There is not a guide for it. There is no handy dandy do this and you will get a child book. There are alot of books on "what can go wrong with the process and/or your attachment." But there are no books on what you need to do for a smooth sailing adoption.

This go round for us has been not quite what I expected. There has been a lot more waiting and a lot more unknown. There has been a lot more unanswered questions. But still we wait. I pray that God shows us what he would like for us to do. I pray that He gives us some clear answers and that He protects our hearts from hurt.

Adoption emotions are not much different than pregnancy emotions. Some times women miscarry, some times adoptions don't go through. There is the loss of a child in both of them. There is pain and tears in both of them. And God's will is done in both of them.

I am praying that this fall will be full of answers for us. Full of adoption related answers that can either complete our family or let us know that our family is already complete.

the last few weeks

2011-08-23T21:04:00.002-05:00

a quick trip to galveston for some beach time

lots of football

more beach time

2nd & 5th graders

prek

Lots going on. Getting ready for a full fall.

She's doing what I am scared to do...

2011-08-02T21:41:00.002-05:00

If you look to the side of this blog, you will see a link to "Kisses from Katie" and Amazima Ministries. A few years ago, I stumbled across her blog and have been a dedicated reader since. My husband also follows Katie and together we help support her ministry. My 10 year old daughter also keeps up with Katie and we have great conversations about what it means to follow God and what it looks like...

Katie does every day what I am scared to do. Take that step into the complete unknown in a foreign country and take care of strangers. Every time she posts my heart either breaks or is filled with joy. It is hard to read the stories of the starving, dying and addicted individuals. But it is joyful to read the stories of these same people being cared for by Katie, regain their lives and thrive in their communities.

Katie has written a book and here is a sneak peek into her life. She is also speaking at Catalyst this fall and I am so excited to be able to hear her speak in person.

Take a few minutes and watch how God is working in this young ladies life. Pray for her. Pray for the lives that she touches. Support her.

life...

2011-07-21T20:27:00.003-05:00

Life, these days, is filled with pleasant surprises.

*I found a $10 in my pocket the other day. That was a good one. Isn't it always nice to find money in your pants.

* Grace has become a puzzle girl. Kay loved puzzles at 4 years old and I am delighted to see Grace start doing them as well. It started out with big old floor puzzles. Now she has moved to 24 piece puzzles. This is such a great thing for her to be able to do...so many skills involved. She has come so far in just a year and a half. I didn't think she was ready for the smaller puzzles but she proved me otherwise.

*Answered prayers. God sure likes to keep me on my toes. I pray for things that I think are important or needed. I pray for His will but sometimes just want Him to do things my way in my time. He likes to answer my prayers in His way. I like His way better. Wish I could always remember this. More to share here but it is not yet time...

Life is full of them, surprises. Some are not good surprises, some are better than average. But I like them, at least these days...

2011-07-15T12:47:00.002-05:00

in 10 short years, she went from this...

to this...

Happy Birthday to my oldest!

another family complete

2011-07-07T22:06:00.002-05:00

The Cassada family recently returned home from picking up their 2 boys from Rwanda. Their welcome home video is just amazing and brought back so many memories.

Take a few minutes to go watch their video here. Let your heart be warmed.

2011-07-04T19:42:00.000-05:00

Happy Independence Day!

summer....

2011-06-26T17:57:00.002-05:00

Summer has started off busy! Kay and Can have had several weeks of non-stop fun. At least I hope they are having fun....

Cannon with his 2 favorite counselors at kamp, Brad & Jake

Kay with her counselors, Anna & Sarah Margaret

Grace enjoyed being an only child for a week. Got to watch what she wanted on tv, had the pool to herself, and of course all of our attention. Here she is mastering her floating.

Here is the newest addition to our family. A little kitten who was orphaned by her mama. She was found by friends and Kaylee said "mom, she needs us." So, here is Jayne.

Our next project...kitchen renovation. Cabinets used to be in the spot above, the stove is on the left. I'll post before and afters as we progress!

Adoption #2 Update

2011-06-09T18:57:00.002-05:00

Just a quick update on adoption #2. In simple terms, there are no new developments. I do feel that I have done all that I can do on my end. If God sees us fit for another adoption, then He will make it so.

Steps we have taken:

1) Completed all DHS requirements. We hear from our worker occasionally but there seem to not be very many african american boys in our age range in our state. We even increased our age range but still nothing yet.

2) Sent our homestudy to 50 states either via email or mail. I have heard back from several states and have been told "your homestudy has been sent to the correct person." So we will see if we get any calls from that.

3) Sent letters out to certain individuals who may come in contact with women who are looking for adoptive parents.

4) Researched international adoption again (Uganda). The time in-country is 6-8 weeks which seems like a long time at this point. We were in Rwanda/Ethiopia for 3 weeks...

So I feel at peace and content with what I have done. I do feel that we are supposed to adopt again so I will leave that up to God to show me when.... for now I will enjoy the sweet 3 souls that God has blessed me with. Lots of fun things are planned for the summer!

She asked...

2011-06-05T20:18:00.004-05:00

Last night we got home late. Grace requested a bath because "my feet are dirty. I played outside" They were, so we bathed. As always after bath, we put some good old coconut oil in her hair and were combing it out. She was up on her stool looking in the mirror.

She asked me.... "mama, I'm brown." I said "yes, Gracie, you are brown."

She then asked me... "mama, your white." I said "yes, Gracie, I am white."

She said "why?"

I stood there amazed at the question. She is only 4 by a few months. I didn't think it would come this soon. I thought I had a few more years. I am not sure that she understood exactly what she asked. I am still taken aback when I think about it....

I said to her "well, God made us this way. And I am more of a carmelly tan then white." We then talked about the things we have in common. "Mama has black hair and I have black hair" she said. I followed with "you, daddy and yaya all have brown eyes!" We continued on with our similarities as this is one of her most favorite things to point out.

I knew that this question would be asked. I knew that one day she would realize that we don't have the same color skin. But I also know that that is the only difference. Everything about us is the same... We all have hearts, brains, fingers, toes. We like to swim. We like to eat pizza. We all love each other and we love our God. God made us the way we are. God made our family.

Happenings

2011-05-21T21:06:00.011-05:00

So much has been going on around here. Lots of busy evenings, lots of laughs, lots of tears, lots of prepping for summer, lots of prayer for things to come.

the end of school is near, this one is not ready for the summer to be here

looking at our in park home run hitter

school picnics

lots of softball games

prepping to send 2 kiddos back here.. Kay's 3rd year back!

school pictures this spring...looking at my almost pre-k girl

here she is in all her glory.... legs and orneriness

oh, the rapture was supposed to happen. did it?

this boy.... wow, is all I have to say.

"mom, pistol pete signed my forehead!"

This summer will be full of excitement, sweat and swimming. We are ready. Well, all of us except Kaylee.

The only way through this...

2011-05-15T21:41:00.003-05:00

The only way through this thing called adoption is faith that God is in it with you. Our family mission with adoption is to provide a family for a little one who needs us.

Grace's adoption, we knew what to expect. Complete the paperwork, send some money, wait for so long, get approved, hop on a plane, meet your child, more paperwork, come home. It was very cut and dry really.

This time around looked like it was going to be the same. Complete paperwork, take classes, wait for a little one. Yeah, well, it is all fine and dandy except for there aren't any little ones.

Most of my research shows that African American males are the least likely to be adopted. So instead the majority don't finish high school, bounce around the foster care system, many of them end up in prison somewhere.

Well, that is not the case in our state. Over the last 5 months, there have been 2 (yes 2) little ones who were African American and under the age of 2. Our homestudy was submitted but we weren't chosen for them. Ok, so why exactly are we doing this? Where are all of the little African American boys who need a home? Where is all the research coming from?

So last week I was doing some internet investigations. I did find some websites (www.adoptuskids.com & www.adoptionexchange.com) where you can search the database to see if anyone is in your age range. Our worker had warned me that most of the kids on these website are hard to place kids that have severe medical issues. I can confirm that this is the case. It was heartbreaking to see these little ones who need so much medically not have a family.

I then stumbled across this website. The Orphan Justice Center is a website who's motto is Rescue - Adopt - Restore. I found a listing where they have every state adoption specialist name and their contact information. I stared at the screen and thought, hmmm. Then my fingers started clicking and I sent our homestudy to every single state that had an email address listed. I wrote a letter to the "Dear Adoption Worker" and prayed that God show me if we really are supposed to adopt. I also mailed the same information to the few states who didn't have an email listed. So I contacted 48 states (I decided against Hawaii and Alaska). If I have this information at my finger tips and not a child is found, then I am taking it as a message that now isn't the time, I need to back off.

I have had a good response. Several states have said that they do not have any children within our age request. I have had several states say that they have forwarded our information on to other workers within their states. I have had a few phone calls. I also have had a few states give me the www.adoptuskids.com website and say that I should look there (again...).

All in all, I really feel that I have exhausted all of the avenues out there. Either there really aren't any little African American boys who need a home (which I have a hard time believing) or this just isn't our time.

To help my type A self, I have printed off a map of the US. I make notes on each state whenever I get a response. This helps me keep track and gives me a visual on who and where.

My prayer has been for God to let me know what the next step is. I know that there are kids out there that need families. I know that there is someone out there who needs us... just have to find him!

2011-04-24T18:25:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter! Up from the grave he arose!

You say its your birthday...

2011-04-22T13:28:00.005-05:00

Grace turns 4 today! She has been counting down and asking about this day for months. Last year, she really didn't get the whole birthday thing. But this year she sure does. This morning we had her party with her best friend. We went to donuts, got pedicures and had some hot chocolate at our favorite coffee shop. After that, she was treated to lunch with Dad by herself! Whoa. Then tonight we will have our family party. She has requested meatballs for dinner (her favorite food) and brownies. This girl is easy to please!

at the donut shop

getting pedis

enjoying some hot chocolate

Compare...contrast

2010, 3 years old

2011, 4 years old

She has definitely lost the toddler cubby cheek look and know looks more like a big girl! Can't wait to see how much she has grown at her appointment on Monday! I would say at least 5 inches!!

2011-04-15T21:05:00.003-05:00

No news from our adoption worker today so I think it is safe to assume that we were not chosen for our first "recommendation." Stinks.

Monday and Tuesday are the next state meeting so HOPEFULLY we will be recommended for a child at that time. Keeping my fingers crossed for a little one in our age range. There has to be a little african american boy out there that is supposed to be with us. There just has to be....

Wordless Wednesday

2011-04-13T21:51:00.001-05:00

2011-04-11T21:55:00.005-05:00

30 days from the last state meeting is in just 3 days. The next state meeting is in 7 days.

We haven't heard anything on the child we were recommended for. If we don't hear anything by Friday, we are supposed to know that we were not chosen to be his family.

Then on Monday & Tuesday of next week is the next state meeting. We will hopefully be recommended for a child at that time. Then we wait another 30 days to see if we are selected or not.

This type of adoption is so different than our international experience. With Grace, we sent in all of our paperwork, got our approval, then got a referral. There wasn't any of this "you have been selected for a child but you may not be picked" business. I would rather just know that we have been picked instead of selected and you may or may not have a new person in your family. It is hard for me.

I do feel that that God has another child for us. I really feel like OK DHS was the way that we were supposed to go to get our little one. My new prayer is that God show me that we are doing the right thing. I have started doubting. I wanted to follow HIS will but I have a hard time figuring out exactly what that is. God has given me billboards before so I am praying for it again!

On another note, guess who will be 4 in just 11 days! This little sassy girl who likes to "take things that aren't hers and put them in her purse", who is still very attached to dad, who wants to be in the middle of everyone's business at all time. We wouldn't have it any other way!

Right now...

2011-04-04T20:09:00.004-05:00

Outside my window… the sun is just about set. The sky is a medium blue and is lined with an a deep pink ribbon across the bottom. All finished with the shadow of trees.

This thought impacted me… life can change in an instant. We don't have control and only He knows what is to come.

I am thinking… why does life have to be so unpredictable?

My heart is… heavy. Heavy for a friend who got unexpected news. Heavy for our family as we wait to see if God has another child for us to love.

I am thankful for… my family and close friends

I am reading… The Language of Love & Respect: Cracking the Communication Code With Your Mate by Dr Emerson Eggerichs

I am hoping… for good adoption news in the next few weeks!

I am hearing… the big kids getting ready for bed

Around the house… dust bunnies, just in time for spring!

One of my favorite things… tulips

Here is picture for thought I am sharing… taken at the Home of Hope in Kigali on our last visit to the orphanage before we left for Ethiopia

2011-03-25T21:13:00.004-05:00

What do you get when you combine a man with a dream, a 5th wheel and an excited family? The Griswold (aka Smith) adventure. Ryan has always wanted an RV. Me, not so much. But thanks to our friends at ebay (and a reserve that was reached), Clark and Ellen (aka Ryan and Ashley) now are the proud owners of a home that moves.

We have grand dreams of seeing the states in our Chevrolet...or Americamp. Whatever the brand is. Trip one was a success. Ryan puts so much thought and work into it that it has to be good. With only a few hiccups like "we are closed on Mondays" (but that's not what the website said) to foul cold whether, we made it through the south and southwest part of our state. Here are some of our finer moments...

starting our journey in the driveway

Chickasaw National Park

Wildlife Center at Chickasaw

tried to make sure G did this once a day

at the Chisholm Trail Museum, best 4d movie ever!

Great Plains Museum

on top of Mt Scott

Wichita Mtn Wildlife Refuge

Thomas Stafford Air Museum

Sid's, famous for being on Man vs Food

new expectations

2011-03-21T20:49:00.002-05:00

We found out today that we were recommended for a child. However, there are lots of other families who were recommended for this child too.

This is a big difference in international and dhs adoption. With international adoption, you got your referral. You knew that people were looking at your homestudy and information but you didn't know when or for what child or any of the details. You got your referral and knew that that child was yours. End of story... With dhs, you know when you are recommended. Then you find out whether or not you were selected for the child. If you're not selected, then you wait for another meeting. If you are selected, then you go from there. Quite a difference. I am not sure that I like it.

So we will know in about a month whether or not we are the best fit for this child (in the opinion of dhs). I am not planning on it just because the odds are against us with the number of people recommended for him. I will say that he is exactly what has been in my mind. But i know that God is in control and His will is the best...

2011-03-18T22:32:00.001-05:00

Unfortunately, we haven't heard anything about our adoption. There was a meeting on Tuesday but I found out today that our worker has been out all week on vacation. I don't know if anyone else attended the meeting because when I called her supervisor, she was out today.

So maybe Monday we will get some info, but I won't hold my breath.

Third Day - Children of God

2011-03-10T21:27:00.001-06:00

We are big Third Day fans here at our house. This is a great song that they have done "Children of God." Take a few minutes and watch the video. You have to make it to the end though (around 4:00). It is heartwarming and a fantastic reminder of who we really are.

ps...only 5 more days until we know something!

2011-03-07T16:59:00.002-06:00

One of my favorite looks on my kiddos. Can't wait to see how cute Grace will be toothless, still have a few more years for that. Kaylee was missing all 4 fronts at once which was just a big hole but still soooo cute.

Kaylee looked this morning and we have only 8 days until the state adoption meeting. We are sure hoping and praying that there will be a little one for us on that list!

could happen

2011-02-20T20:24:00.002-06:00

When we had our home study this go round, we talked with our worker about the age range we would like. 0-2 years is a good fit for our family right now... we've got a 9, 6, 3 currently so to keep the line flowing 0-2 fits right in there.

When we discussed this with our worker, she said something that stopped me in my tracks and still barks at me almost daily. She has never placed a 0-2 year old in our county. Now, I don't know how long she has done this job but I think it is at least several years. So, wait a minute, she hasn't placed a 0-2 year old. That is our age range. There are no 0-2 year olds who need a family? That is somewhat surprising to me.

Then she explained why... the state of OK gives parents lots of chances to keep screwing up. Our wonderful state gives parents try after try after try and of course the children pay for it by continually being abused or in a poor living environment. This makes me sad.

I had fooled myself that surely there is a 0-2 year old out there that needs us. This week I received an email with the available kids for adoption from the January meeting. The youngest child was 5. 5 is not in our age range. 5 is not in "my" plan.

So then I say to myself, well, all of the little ones were already adopted out or there will be a little one when we go up for the meeting.

What if that isn't the case? What if she is right? What do we do? Do we wait a few more months? How long should we wait? Do we go another route?

As with Grace's adoption, all is in God's hands. I know that He knows what's going to happen. If our family will grow from 5 to 6. Whether we will introduce a new boy to our clan. I hate not knowing. I hate the uncertain. I am a natural planner and this whole maybe maybe not thing drives me crazy.

love is....

2011-02-14T20:47:00.002-06:00

a family of 5 waiting to become 6

March 15

2011-02-08T22:35:00.001-06:00

Got the word today that we won't know anything about adoption #2 until after March 15. Let the countdown begin!

adoption #2 update

2011-02-04T22:13:00.003-06:00

My facebook status last week was "the adoption process should be renamed the waiting game." As an adoptive parent you hurry up and get your forms complete, then wait. You hurry up and answer the email, then wait. You hurry to get things arranged, then wait. There is alot of hurrying up and waiting....

With adoption #2, we hurried up with our training so that it was done. We hurried up our home study so it was done. We (really me, I dragged Ryan along) did alot of hurrying hoping that others would too.

Have I mentioned before that I am not good with patience?

We are waiting to here back that our adoption resource file is open. Our training was done in mid-December. Our homestudy was done first of January. Now we are just waiting on our file. This sweet little file that is alot like our dossier with Grace. It has everything about us and our family in a file. Once this is open, we can be matched with a child. This will happen at a meeting in March or we can go in and look through the waiting children to see if there is anyone who might fit our family.

Part of my impatience is this: there may not be a child thats right for our family. If this is the case, then I want to know. I want to be able to move on, put adoption #2 on the back burner for awhile. Stop wondering every day if our family will grow. Stop thinking about who this child is, what their story is, what they look like. I just need to know. I am a planner. I like to complete tasks (ie nest). I don't do well with decisions hanging in the air.

Either way we will continue to wait. Wait on this little thing called a file...

Wow...

2011-01-22T22:13:00.006-06:00

Seven years ago I was about to pop. Severely uncomfortable. Couldn't tie my shoes. Only had 2 pair of pants that kinda fit and the same number of tops. I knew that the next day would be the birth day of my little boy. My Cannon. I was nervous and excited and exhausted and ready.

The last seven years he has served as my cuddle bug, my onery boy and the child that is most likely to drive me to drink. I have heard that boys are harder when they are young, sure hope that this is true!

He has more imagination than the rest of us put together. He is sweet when he wants to be. He loves his lego people, star wars and likes to sneak candy. Sure love him!

such a simple thing

2011-01-20T09:30:00.001-06:00

Change a life.... its such a simple thing. If you have love in your heart, if you have a bed in your home, if you have a tinge in your soul. It is so easy.

Yesterday, I came across this blog. The Oatsvall family is a huge supporter of Kisses from Katie. This family has adopted several children with the 2 newest being from Uganda. One of the little boys, Joseph, has a hearing problem. Watch this video to see the world being turned on in his little ears. This brought an instance stream of tears from my eyes as I sat here and thought, that was so easy. Medical care, wow.

So many children are out there needing a family. So many children who just need basic medical care to really change their life. I pray that souls will be stirred towards adoption. I pray that people will see the need and open up their hearts and minds. I pray that if adoption is not on their hearts, that they will help support those families that adoption is so important.

look how cute...

2011-01-19T13:13:00.003-06:00

A dear friend sent me an email that someone dear to her sent her. This second dear thought of me when she saw this. I absolutely love it! The 1st dear and 2nd dear were both right! I have ordered some shirts and wanted to pass along the info to you. If you love it too OR like to support other adoptive families, then click here!

2011-01-13T22:00:00.003-06:00

So I am not perfect. I am not a perfect wife. I am not a perfect mother. I am not a perfect friend. My house is messier than I would like. I have chores that I just avoid. I have cobwebs in more corners than not. I don't get laundry done and put away in a timely manner which I am reminded of almost every morning when I hear "mom, do you have any pants for me?" I am not a good cook. I want more out of life but am too afraid to go after it. I am selfish when it comes to chocolate. I am forgetful. I wish I had better handwriting. I am not good at math or anything that analyzes anything. I avoid confrontation. I get my feelings hurt and hide behind a wall. I want to have more organization in my life. I want to feel clutter free of things that I do not need. I don't like my body fat percentage. I worry too much about things that will never happen. I worry about things that I cannot change. I want something different. I want something better.

It has just been that kind of week...

maybe she does

2011-01-06T00:28:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I was looking for something where I keep special momentous. I was going through the box and I pulled out this picture and set it out to remind myself to frame it. Grace came to where I was, looked at the picture and said "this is when I was in wanda?" I looked at her and said "yes, Grace, that is when you were in Rwanda." This picture we don't have out and we don't look at it too much.

Maybe she does remember. Maybe she remembers her first home. Maybe she remembers her nannies and the other children in her room. Maybe she does...

2011

2011-01-05T11:04:00.002-06:00

Wow, 2010 was a fast one! It flew by with such fierceness that I am kinda happy to see it end. 2011 promises to be a much calmer and gentler year. Thanks goodness!

Adoption Update: We have everything completed, signed and turned in to the adoption worker. Hopefully in the next few days we will get notification that our adoption resource file is open and we are ready to be presented at the monthly adoption worker meeting. The first one for 2011 is January 12. If our file isn't ready by then, we will be presented in February.

We just completed Grace's 12 month post-placement report. It is surreal to look back over our year with her and just this morning Kay said again "I am so glad she is with us." I feel the same way and am still in awe at how God works and brought her home!

Here's to a wonderful 2011 full of love, laughter and new experiences!

OMG

2010-12-24T19:44:00.003-06:00

I never realized

that smiling

AND

looking at the camera

was so difficult

for girls from Rwanda

finally....

Yesterday

2010-12-20T23:02:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we signed off on our homestudy. Yep, our training is done and our homestudy is done. Wow, in just 6 weeks we are done.

So, now we wait....

1) Our homestudy will be turned into our adoption worker.

2) Our adoption resource file will be opened and approved.

3) Our worker will have a monthly meeting to see if we are a good fit for a child available for adoption.

4) If so, then we will be contacted and the referral will be reviewed.

This process has taken 6 week so far. It seems pretty quick but this next part could take a while. What I like is that I am done with my part. I have filled out all the paperwork, gotten signatures, and signed on the dotted line. I have done all that I can do. Now we wait and pray that there is a little one out there who belongs in our family!

Pink ballet shoes

2010-12-16T21:17:00.003-06:00

Parent night at dance is a favorite of mine. For years, I loved going to see my little girl in her leo, tights and ballet shoes. My little girl is now 9 but I still feel such joy when I watch her dance. She is not perfect but she is her. I see confidence, I see pride, I see love.

Tonight I also saw joy. I saw joy on the face of a 3 year old who one year ago was getting off a plane and into a new life. I saw little pink tights and tiny ballet shoes on a girl who's smile is good for your soul. Her teacher told me that today. "She is good for my soul." What words that I will always treasure. What a perfect way to sum up our Grace, she is good for our soul.

What dreams I have for these girls. What absolute joy bubbles up in my heart as tears fill my eyes as I watch them dance and grow and love. I am so proud to be their mom. I am so glad that God chose me.

Homestudy Meeting #1 for adoption #2

2010-12-14T14:37:00.002-06:00

Today we had our first home study meeting. It took 3 hours but we were able to get our lives down on paper. It is interesting to look back into your childhood, your parents upbringing and your grandparents lives. Your history jotted down in a sketch book helps you see how your life has been shaped. Generations before you made decisions that still affect you on a daily basis. This makes me want to make better decisions, be a better wife, be a better mother. I hope that I am doing this not for me but for the generations to come...

Adoption #2 Update

2010-12-10T14:42:00.002-06:00

In the last 6 weeks we have made a lot of progress on our second adoption. Here is what we have accomplished:

1) applied to the program

2) have completed 7 out of 9 training courses

3) been fingerprinted

4) home assessment

This is what we have upcoming:

1) homestudy, 2 meetings

2) paperchase: drivers license copies, ss card copies, financial information, medical information, etc.

Then we are done. This go round is much more relaxed. This time is not as much preparation as the last (read: notaries, state authentications). It is the same basic information but not as approved on all of those different levels (personal, state, us dept, rwanda embassy, rwanda government).

I am not sure how long it will be before a child is matched with us. I learned with Grace not to be overly optimistic on timelines. We are proceeding cautiously but with the same yearning as the last.

Butterflies

2010-12-01T21:14:00.002-06:00

Tonight while talking to Kaylee, I began to get nervous. My heart began to beat a bit faster and my breathing is more apparent. Last night, this feeling was a bit more distant and not as real.

Ryan and I are attending the required dhs training for our adoption. All of the classes so far have been over pretty basic stuff, at least to us. When adopting Grace, we had to do a lot of reading, a lot of training online, and my master's degree just happens to be in this same field (family relations and child development). So we haven't necessarily learned a ton. That being said, last night was different.

The topic for the evening was siblings and the importance of keeping them together when possible (both for fostering and adoptive families). Our teachers did some reading out of our workbook and we watched a video. The video followed 3 families that had siblings placed together and some that the siblings where adopted to different homes. There were the smart researcher guys, who talked of the affect the separation has on siblings and how their lives are forever changed in good ways and bad simply in the placement of the siblings, either together or apart. During the video, I looked at Ryan and joked "we could get more than 1." His eyes widened and he threw his head back. It was a funny thought. Not a realistic one though.

When talking to my eldest, I told her what we learned in our class and the importance of sibling placement. I asked her "what if our child has a sibling? what would we do?" Without any hesitation, she described a perfectly doable room situation. She also said "I would love another sister."

I put her to bed and then the butterflies and anxiety overtook my body and mind. Oh my. What if God has 2 kids for us. What if a boy who is a perfect match for us has a older/younger brother or sister? What would we do?

I have never envisioned myself as the mother of 5 children. To be honest, I never saw myself with more than 2 but you are watching how that is turning out.

We felt called to adopt. I knew from the bottom of my soul that God had a child out there for us. I knew that our family was to grow and we followed His lead. We felt that call again and are on the road to add #4 to our family. But what if there is a #5.

I am nervous. I am scared. I am praying.

I know that our home is big enough. I know that the resources will come. I know that my heart has enough love. I don't know whether it will be 1 or 2. Only He does.

Gotcha Day!

2010-11-28T14:27:00.006-06:00

One year ago, November 28, 2009, we met our precious Grace face to face. We had seen pictures of her but nothing compares to holding her in your arms. We landed in Kigali with our travel group and headed straight to the orphanage. It was so surreal and I love looking back and seeing God's hands all over us.

She didn't want to come to us. She was scared of the white people. But a cookie helped persuade her to come to me. Then to Ryan and she hasn't let go of him since.

First Family picture as a family of 5

Our 3rd blessing

Our travel group: Bowers, Smiths, Spores

Kay with the sister she had hoped for

Today Grace is doing great. What a difference just a year makes. You can see it in her face in the pictures above: fear, loneliness, not sure of what is going on. But then take a look below. Grace with her family and you can see the happiness all over her face...

Go Here for Last year's post on the day we met Grace!

1 year ago

2010-11-09T07:38:00.000-06:00

One year ago today, we were on a business trip to Florida. Ryan and I spent a long weekend there. It was Monday, November 9, and we were packing up to head back home. We had breakfast then headed back to our room to gather our things before we got on the airport shuttle.

An email was sitting in my inbox. An email that I had been waiting for since March, well really since we decided to go down this adoption road. This email had a picture of a beautiful little girl who was waiting for us to come and get her. A little girl who had no idea of what was about to happen to the only world she knew.

Elina Muhoza was dressed in a sweet white dress with her little toes peeking out of her sandals. Her hair was cut short. Her lips were the sweetest that I had ever seen.

This was the child that I prayed for. This was the child that God ordained for our family. This was my daughter.

Fast forward one year, Grace Elina, our daughter, is home and is thriving. She is the onery and stubborn light of our life and we cannot imagine our family without her. She is beautiful and unique. She is loving and sweet. She is the child that God made for us.

the stick test

2010-11-05T16:36:00.003-05:00

When we were trying to get pregnant and I was few days late, I always rushed to the drug store to buy a pregnancy test. I would anxiously do what you do with that kind of stick and wait for a positive reading. More times then not, the test would be negative. I went through so many tests in those precious years that we should have bought stock in the test makers (read: I am impatient and want to know NOW!).

When we were in the process of adopting Grace, I got the same impatient feelings back. I was not good at waiting and with each step of the process would hope and pray and be frustrated then content and felt like I was constantly thinking about wherever we were in the process. Did I mention patience is not my strong suit? But she is here in God's timing and everything has worked out wonderfully and perfectly.

So guess what. We are doing it again.

We have submitted our paperwork to bring home the next Smith kiddo! We are going the domestic route this time and are hoping to get a little african american boy who is 0-2 years old. I pray that I am more patient and content this go round.

So what steps do we have in front of us:

1) Homestudy

2) 27 hour required training

3) placement

This adoption will definitely look different than Grace's adoption. The time table will be different, the requirements will be different. There won't be any long plane rides or visas to obtain. We won't have to be approved by an embassy or fedex a dossier. However, our prayers will be the same!

Breathe

2010-11-03T13:16:00.002-05:00

Today is a new day. We found out last night which way our life will go. We are little disappointed in the possibilities of what could have been but rest in the truth that He has a plan for us.

The "heaby" pressure isn't gone. I thought I would wake up and magically feel different. Wrong. But I do feel the heaviness slowly slipping away. Since it took a year of our lives, I am sure that the feelings will take some time to pass.

I am excited to see where our lives will now go. I love being obedient to His calling. Such satisfaction is felt knowing that we are listening to Him no matter what he calls us to do. Curious to see what is next! We are celebrating "get your life back" day today!

Heaby

2010-10-20T13:53:00.003-05:00

As I look back on the last few years of my life, there are so many things that have happened or are happening that I never expected. Ryan and I are making life decisions that we would have never dreamed of just a few years ago. Both personally and professionally, our lives just keep changing. I attribute it to giving our lives over to God. May be cliche but I know it is the truth. God has been working on us for quite some time and He has us on quite the ride right now.

We are within 2 weeks of knowing which path our life might take. Either path is fine with us because we know that it is God's will. Through the year and a half, Ryan and I's prayer has been that God's will be done. We know that it will be.

There is pressure on us. Every morning when we wake up it is there. We are covered in it all day. It is there when we lay our heads down on our pillows at night. Ryan, I know, has a heavier feeling than I do. As Grace would say "it's heaby."

There is a plan for all of this craziness. There is a plan for our lives and for where we will serve. And even with all of the "heaby" pressure, I am so glad that we chose to follow Him.

Grace

2010-10-15T22:05:00.001-05:00

The past few days Grace has been sick. This is the first time she has been sick since we brought her home. It has been a difficult thing as Ryan and I just aren't sure what to do.

When you have a baby, you know everything about that child. You know what every sound, cry, look and snort mean. That baby then grows up and you are in tune with the child because of the history. You know that child better than you know yourself. Grace was 2 1/2 years old when we got her. 2 1/2 years of not knowing her and not knowing her sounds, cries, looks, needs. It is a different place to be.

The other night she was laying in between us, she would make a noise and Ryan and I would look at each other and just wait to see what would happen next. We just weren't sure. It was a funny feeling as a parent. I felt almost not prepared for what could happen.

To throw another kink in the maternal plan, Grace prefers Ryan. This has been since day 1. She and I have a good thing going but when push comes to shove she will pick Ryan over me any day. This happens to also be true when she is not feeling good. She clung to him so tightly and even did some of her self soothing techniques that we witnessed when we first got her. It has kinda felt like we were back to December/January these last few days.

I will report that she just has a virus. She is on the mend and is even signing "Happy Birthday" again which happens to be her favorite song. She's going to make it through just fine I think.

I have learned some things these last few days. I have learned some of her cries, looks and preferences. I will tuck those away in my back pocket. For now, Ryan has them front and center!

2010-10-15T21:52:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. I wish that I could go back in time and redo things or undo things or not do things at all. Sometimes I would like to go back in time and relive a season and feel again how it felt. Knowing what I know today, I would go back and sit in contentment and bask in the feelings of the moment.

Too many times I hurry. I hurry up and check things off the list. I hurry up and make decisions. I am very happy with my life but wish that I would learn to be more still and be okay with waiting for the next thing. I am not a very patient person.

But I need to become more patient and content and still...

I have them

2010-10-02T20:44:00.004-05:00

I have flashbacks. I have flashbacks of the orphanage. The dark rooms, the children chanting "Elina, Elina" when we brought her back from our first day with her. I have flashbacks of the children climbing the window grates as we left. They, the flashbacks, come unpredictably.

I wonder if she has them, flashbacks.

As she lays in her pink room under her green polka dot sheets wearing her strawberry shortcake nightgown, does she have them? Does she dream about the place she first knew as home? I have asked her if she does. I don't think she understands my questions. The language barrier will be the preventer of our discussions when her memories would be more crisp. I pray that subconsciously she remembers. Not to make her sad or to give her a complex but just so that she would know her story.

My father died when I was 13 months old. I don't have any memories of him. I did have a dream the other night where we were riding in a car. I was trying to hear him talk but couldn't. I just kept thinking "I want to hear his voice, to know what he sounded like. I want to remember it." That is part of my story, being fatherless for most of my life.

Our stories make us who we are. Whether we remember it our not, whether we have glimpses into our past. Our stories are what God has designed for us.

the moon

2010-09-28T21:39:00.002-05:00

Every morning we get up and get ready for school. Grace and I drop the big kids off at their school then we head through town to her school. During this time, we talk about what she wants to do that day and what she thinks she will learn. I usually then encourage her to take a nap. The past few days she has noticed something new on her way to school. I think it must be the time of year. This week on our way to school, you would have heard if you would have been a fly on the wall of our car.

Grace: Moo, mama, moo

Me: What Grace, tell me what you see

Grace: Moo, mama, moo

Me: I don't know what you are saying...show me.

At this point, I don't know what she is talking about. We are on a college campus so I know that there are not cows in her line of site. I get out of the car and open her door. She then points and grins, "Moo, mama, MOO."

I then realize that she has found the moon. It the bright cornflower blue sky, she has spotted the white hazy moon before it sets for the day. This made me think, have I taught her the moon? Did she learn this in school? Whatever the way, she is learning. She is learning the simple things and that is encouraging to this mama's heart.

Africa New Life

2010-09-22T21:15:00.002-05:00

Thanks to a blog/adoption friend, I have been introduced to a new ministry that is happening in Rwanda. Africa New Life is an organization that is changing lives in my daughter's country.

From clean water to a theology program to sponsoring kids to providing homes for street children, this organization is really making a difference in Rwanda. Last Sunday, we had some ANL staff at our church and 38 kids were sponsored. This means that they now will get to go to school, have more dependent meals and get medicine as well as hear about Jesus.

Please take a few minutes and check them out: www.africanewlife.org.

I am excited about this new partnership that has been developed with Africa New Life and our church. I am optimistic about the future and how we can help change lives in Rwanda. What an amazing story it will be.

Another first

2010-09-11T22:25:00.002-05:00

This fall is bringing many new experiences for our little Grace. It seems that each season we go through with her becomes a collection of memories. Funny how the big kids had these same experiences but Grace's age just makes it different some how.

Tonight, the five of us loaded up in Ryan's truck and headed to the OK State football game. My bag was packed with snacks and other distractions. Happily, I only needed to use some edible distractions and a book towards the end.

Grace loved the game. At first it seemed a little loud, so she stayed close to dad. But after awhile, she opened up, and became a fan. She now has a new love for Pistol Pete and Bullet. She can make her guns as well as do O - S - U with the rest of the crowd. The big kids loved showing her how to cheer on our team and how to enjoy the game day snacks.

There are many more memories to be made in the next few months. I am looking forward to seeing what else Fall brings!

Overflowing Joy

2010-09-09T21:51:00.004-05:00

When Kaylee was young, I counted the days until she could take ballet. She turned 3 in July and in August she took her first dance class. I loved seeing her in the little pink tights, little pink leotard and the little pink leather ballet shoes. I don't know what it is but seeing my little girl in this outfit repeatedly would bring tears to my eyes. And let's not even talk about the recitals.

When we found out we had another little girl on the way, the same excitement filled my heart. She can take ballet! I don't know what it is with me, tights, tutus and little ballet shoes. Grace turned 3 in April. And tonight she followed in her big sister's foot steps.

Tonight there were no tears, though I am sure they will come, just a feeling of pure joy. Grace has been talking about "baable" since we purchased her new little pink ballet shoes. And today was finally the day she got to wear them.

As I slipped on her tights and then her leotard, the smile on her face just got bigger. Once I placed those shoes on her feet, I could feel her excitement, it surrounded us. This little girl, who came from Kigali, who must remember something about her former life, was about to experience something else new.

We walked into the dance studio and immediately she started seeing other little girls in their leotards and ballet shoes. She giggled and pointed and looked at her own shoes. She repeatedly said "baable, baable, Gracie go to baable."

We walked back to her studio. She and her friend A grabbed each others hands and while giggling ran into their first dance class not knowing what awaited them. Grace's dimple was so deep from her wide smile. The joy was so evident, so palpable.

Grace came out of her class with the same smile as when she went in. She loved it. She even was able to show me some positions that she learned. Then when Daddy came home, oh boy, more smiles, more giggling, more dancing. From the moment Grace donned her ballet attire until saying our prayers tonight, I could feel her joy. It was so pure, so overflowing, so real. It is an evening I will never forget.

Mirror Mirror

2010-09-06T20:26:00.002-05:00

My 9 year old is becoming somewhat of a drama queen when it comes to hurting herself. It doesn't matter whether it is a light scratch or a huge gash, the tears and crying and whining are all the same. From this, it has been hard to react. I have become a bit of a "yeah, your fine" move on reaction with her because it always seems to be nothing.

Tonight after I put the 2 younger ones to bed I put Kay to bed. By this point, I was tired and ready to be childless for the evening. It has been a long 3 day weekend and I had a sick child who was sick last weekend too so I was so done. I was looking forward to sitting on the couch just me and my tv. I turned to leave her room and WHACK. Tears filled my eyes and my legs collapsed beneath me. Searing pain filled my body and I started to cry. I just ran my sweet little pinky toe into her door jam. Great.

Kaylee jumped out of her bed and came to my aid. She wrapped her arm around me then said in a voice that sounded eerily familiar...

1) squeeze it, just squeeze it and it will feel better, apply pressure

2) you're fine, what did you do, you're fine

3) see, every time I do that, I tell you it hurts and you don't believe me

At this point, I am laughing. I am laughing so hard that I am trying not to pee. I am still crying mind you and the two actions together don't make a pretty combination. My little toe is still throbbing and I am still squeezing it and the whole apply pressure thing just doesn't seem to be working. Kay continues to console me but is laughing hysterically herself. This of course draws the middle one out of bed to see what all the fuss is about.

As she re-accounts what had just happened to her little brother, I continue to laugh, cry and squeeze. I then have this conversation with myself "wow, I need to be a little more compassionate to her when she hurts herself, well, at least when she stubs her toe on the dumb door. This really, really hurts. And I don't like the way she sounds which is just a mirror of my reaction to her. Ok, lesson learned. And thank goodness I didn't pee!" Then I said out loud through tears and laughing snorts "Everyone back to bed." Then back in my head "And my toe still hurts, it may be broken."

update

2010-09-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been a week since the news of adoptions being closed in Rwanda. There have been a few families that have been able to get their dossiers completed and over there by today's date. So happy for these families and for the children that will indeed get to come home.

I have been doing a lot more research into domestic adoption. There are so many kids out in the US that need homes. Last week, the day that we learned of the closing, I went to have lunch. I sat down with the paper and the article on the front page was about foster kids aging out of the foster care program. These kids are 18 with no family, without a degree (some of the time). Some of the kids go from home to home to home to home then at the end have no real sense of family or of where they belong. This article was just what I needed to read. Such important information for my mind and my heart. I do believe that things happen for a reason, even if it is just a newspaper article that I happened to read on such a pivotal day for us.

So we will see what the next few months bring for us. I just can't wait to get my arms around that chubby little guy, wherever he may come from!

1st grader

2010-08-31T21:40:00.003-05:00

Love love love having a 1st grader. I love how they write. And Cannon's drawings have become so much more detailed.

This weekend, this happened in our front yard. Ryan came in and got us to witness "my kide wos yalen at the skrl." Translation: My kitty was yelling at the squirrel.

Indeed, the cat was on the driveway and a squirrel was in the tree. The squirrel was saying "tik tik" and the cat was meowing up at the squirrel. Then Cannon says "I am in my boots." He was in fact in socks.

I love that he remember this fun unexpected part of our Sunday!

both good and bad news

2010-08-26T22:12:00.002-05:00

Well, the news has spread like wild fire thanks to the internet, bloggy friends and facebook.

This is the scoop:

Rwanda is currently suspending adoptions. The country has decided to become a part of The Hague Convention. The Hague Convention helps protect adopted children from any kind of trafficking as well as other things. This is ultimately a wonderful thing for Rwanda and the children that will be adopted. The timing just isn't so great for some of us. So this means, if you don't have a dossier in country by August 31 then you won't be able to adopt any time soon. Read more here...

The thing about this is, is that there is no way to know how long this may take. It may be a year, it may be several years, it may just be months. I was told that it took the United States 7 years to become a Hague Convention signatory. I have googled this stuff and really found no answers on how long it has taken other countries.

So what does this mean for the Smith family? We were planning on starting adoption #2 late this fall (from Rwanda). After being inside those turquoise gates and seeing the things that we saw, Ryan and I both knew that we would be back.

Right now it seems that God has other plans. I was a little upset with Him yesterday. We had our plan, I had a timeline. I knew what was going to happen and when. Then just like that, *poof*, all of it was gone. No plan, no timelines, nothing. If you know me, you know that I don't do well with the unknown. I do well with plans, guides, instructions, checklists. These things make me happy.

So now, Ryan and I are praying about and discussing what will be our next step. We both agree that there will be a second adoption. We both agree that a Cannon needs a little brother. I have been doing research on domestic adoptions. Did you know that African American boys are the least likely to be adopted. So maybe this is His plan after all. Maybe we are to experience an international as well as a domestic adoption. There are hundreds of thousands of children in foster care that may never be adopted or have a family.

So I ask that you pray for us during these next few months as we see where God leads us. We ultimately want for His will to be done, regardless of what we think is our plan. This will of course test my patience as well as my emotions but it will NOT test my faith. He is and always will be in control. He has the answers and will reveal them to me in His own way on His own time.

years gone by

2010-08-24T09:51:00.002-05:00

2008

2009

2010

wow...both of my children sprouted necks after the 2008 school year! ah, the memories.

the traditional back to school picture...

2010-08-24T09:45:00.002-05:00

Clearly we will have to redo the morning pictures. This time, I will use the real camera instead of the iphone, both for the clarity and the quickness of the shutter. My youngest sure doesn't hold her smile for long :).

What to do

2010-08-22T13:25:00.002-05:00

When I read blogs like Katie's , a sense of worthlessness washes over me. I read what this young twenty something is doing in Africa and I feel that I am not doing enough. I see how she feeds and ministers to hundreds of people every week, and the most people I encounter is at the carpool lane or Walmart.

A good friend asked me what I do with all of the emotions that come with witnessing the orphanages in Rwanda and Mexico and then seeing the shrunken bodies of the sick and the hungry. It is a hard reality to swallow, every. day. As I sit in my comfortable life, these memories and images shock me back to their reality. Then to my reality that I am not doing enough. To my reality of what should I be doing.

I know that God has me here for a reason. He chose this place to be my home (for now) and He wants to use me. Some ways have been evident to me (our sweet little ornery Grace) and some ways I am still trying to figure out (daily life). I pray a lot as I see faces on the computer screen and as dreams take me back to the turquoise blue gates. There are days were I feel confident in my faith and in my actions, that I am doing what He wants me to do. Then there are days when I feel broken and useless.

I have a saying above our living room entry way. It is a reminder to me whenever I read it that He is in control and that He has a plan. I just have to let Him use me and be open to whatever it is He wants me to do, whether it be here or across the ocean.

Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.

I really believe that God will take Ryan and I to the mission fields permanently at some point in our lives. I don't think it will be soon but when our children are grown. I do feel a calling to that life which is a very strange place for me to be. My pew sitter upbringing doesn't understand that "GO" mentality. Thank goodness He has changed me so in the last several years. I do feel blessed to have had my eyes opened to this life.

Until then though, I continue to pray daily of how God can use me. How I can be a tool for Him today. How I can be His hands and feet today. It is a struggle but I feel blessed to wrestle with it every day.

Just in case you were getting comfortable

2010-08-19T11:25:00.001-05:00

Go here: www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

Read the post. Pray for Katie, for her ministry and for the souls that she touches.

Go.

Can you....

2010-08-10T20:26:00.002-05:00

hear it? The sweet hum of the pencil sharpener. The teeth zipping up the side of the backpack. The gentle rush of children running out to recess. School starts for us in just 12 days. 12 days until we get our routine back.

Me and my sweet little children were made for routine. We don't enjoy spur of the moment or a day full of nothing. We thrive on checklists and to do lists. We are planners and live for structure. These apples did not fall far from the mama tree.

Fall brings us (me) my sanity back.

This fall will be like no other. This fall will be busy and crazy and fun. This fall will push me to my limits. God has a plan for this fall. Can't wait to see how it all unfolds.

Mexico

2010-08-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

Ryan and Kaylee are headed down to Mexico for a few days. Part of our heart is in Piedra Angular, a Christian community, that is down just over the border from Eagle Pass, TX. Crossroads Missions helped establish this community almost 10 years ago. Ryan has visited probably 9 times in the last 3 years. He is also on the board of directors for Crossroads. There are many people that we love in Mexico and they have Coca Light (which is my favorite thing in the whole food world, well besides ice cream and cookies and brownies and...)! The whole fam would be going except our little Rwanda darling can't travel outside of the US just yet.

Crossroads Missions works in Piedras as well as New Orleans and Kentucky. This is a wonderful organization that helps regular folks both be missionaries and to be loved on. You get a group of people to the mission location then they have a mission trip planned for you. For Mexico in particular, each person will spend time doing construction, loving on orphans, feeding the poor at a railroad track community, and providing meals for families at a hospital. No experience is necessary AND any age can go. The experience is amazing and it changes almost everyone that crosses past their gate. You get a different perspective on life and what God wants you to do. You serve the poorest of the poor and you get to love on them. They teach you about humility and faith. The teach you about family and about God.

If you are interested in a mission trip, please visit their site. It is very affordable and the amount of work you get done is unbelievable. God is ever present and you feel him with every breath. It is an amazing place.

Shoes

2010-08-06T11:51:00.003-05:00

G in her sister's old recital costume.

Grace has a pair of sandals that I got for her in March. When I bought the shoes, they were really too big. I thought, well, she will grow into them this summer. As of August 6, these sandals are almost too small. Her toes reach the edge as her heal is on the end. Not believing this, I measured, and her foot has grown almost an inch in 5 months. Wow!

The first few months we had Grace home she didn't grow very much. She stayed at 31 pounds from December until June. Her belly did go down from huge to just a regular toddler tummy over this time. But how summer has caused her to sprout! She has gained several pounds, has outgrown all of her 3t clothing, and has definitely grown in height! Maybe it is all the swimming that she has been doing!

Adoption is Hard

2010-08-02T10:41:00.002-05:00

This is an excerpt from Kisses from Katie, a ministry that Ryan and I keep up with, pray for and support. This is an amazing young woman who is living in Uganda. She has adopted 14 children and is only in her early 20's. To read more about her ministry and support her, go here: www.amazima.org. She tells the truth about adoption...

In an effort to be real, I want to tell you. Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. Adoption is also HARD and painful. Adoption of older children is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the GOSPEL in my living room. And some times, it just stinks.

As a parent, it stinks to not know when your daughter took her first steps or what her first word was or what she looked like in Kindergarten. It stinks not to know where she slept and whose shoulder she cried on and what the scar on her eyebrow is from.

As a child, it stinks to have your mom be a different color than you because, inevitably, people are going to ask why. It stinks that your Mom wasn’t there for all the times you had no dinner and all the times you were sick and all the times you needed help with your homework. It stinks when you have to make up your birthday. It skinks when you can’t understand the concept of being a family forever because your first family wasn’t forever.

And every single day, it is worth it. Because ADOPTION IS GOD’S HEART. He sets the lonely in families. Adoption is the reason that I can come before God’s throne and beg Him for mercy, because He predestined me to be adopted as His child through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

My family, adopting these children, it is not optional. It is not my good deed for the day, it is not what I am doing to “help these poor kids out.” I adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and the widows in their distress. I adopt because to whom much has been given, much will be demanded. I adopt because whoever finds his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for HIS sake will find it.

Some days, my friends, it is not easy. Today, it is not easy. The HURT in my daughters’ hearts is big and real and as their mother, I want to fix it and know that I CAN’T. So I lay it at the feet of my Father and rejoice to know that if we are children, then we are heirs - of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings - in order that we may also share in His glory. And I call out to the Holy Spirit knowing that He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for us.

A sweet friend pointed me yesterday to Genesis Chapter 33. Esau and Jacob are meeting for the first time in a long time. As Jacob approaches Esau, with his many children following close behind, Esau asks, “ And who are these with you?”

Jacob’s reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.”

We get all the questions. “Why do you do it?” “Why so many?” “How in the world…” “Why these specific girls?” “Why the number 14?” “Do you think its ok to adopt as a single Mother? Don’t they need a father too?” “Do you think they will have issues since you are not the same race?” We also get the compliments. “I don’t know how you do it!” “Good job!” “You must be so responsible!” “Your girls must be so well behaved.” We get crazy stares and huge smiles and every look inbetween.

Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard. Adoption is the Gospel of Christ and the promise of God’s love and redemption lived out in our lives. So I ask for your prayers. Prayers for understanding and peace and trust and the power of God that is more than all I can ask or imagine. And to the questions and the comments and the compliments, this is my reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.”

Summer...

2010-07-30T09:02:00.002-05:00

I seriously can't believe that summer is almost over. In just 3 weeks, my children will be back in school and our normal routine will once again be in place. Oh how I am a creature of routine. This summer has been filled with camps, work, pool time, campaigning. Lots of stress as well which has made it really fly by. These months have taught me a lot and I hope to not have to repeat some of the lessons.

The kids returned from a 4-day stint at Camp Mimi B (Ryan's mom). Lots of homemade fun was had. They love their time there and have so many stories to tell for days after returning. When I picked up the kids yesterday, there was a crate with 2 little kittens in it. Our previous kittens (Thing 1 and Chocolate Thunda) died unexpectedly in an accident. It was purely an accident and we were all very sad. Mimi B is know for having kittens at her house. So Topsy and Annie have now joined the Smith clan. They are a bit bigger and hopefully a little smarter.

We welcome August and all that it brings, school, schedules, backpacks...

She's converting

2010-07-21T22:28:00.002-05:00

Last week, Grace started making the conversion. The conversion of "papa" to "daddy." At first, we weren't sure what she was saying. Her use of the American father term was somewhat surprising as we have spent months just trying to get her to say "daddy." We weren't successful and she even would yell "Papa" at us. Here is a typical conversation with Grace:

Us: Say Daddy

Her: Papa

Us: Say Mama

Her: Mama

Us: Say Sister

Her: Sister

Us: Say Cannon

Her: Yaya

Us: Say Daddy

Her: Papa

Ryan and I had both given up on the whole "daddy" thing and our family had really embraced the "papa" thing. Even the big kids call Ryan "papa" on occasion. I really did figure that this name would stick at least for Grace.

Then last week, she started saying "daddy" (imagine in your head, sounds like dadeeeee). As I said before, it was surprising. But a week later, "papa" is heard less everyday and "daddy" is heard a lot more often. The obsession with Ryan continues so this name is heard quite a bit. According to our case worker, this is a big step. It means that Grace is becoming 100% comfortable with us.

To tell you the truth, I am sad to see "papa" go. That name will always be in my memories of the first months with Grace. How many times I have heard that name, I would say it is in the 5000s.

9 & OMG

2010-07-16T16:46:00.003-05:00

Following a terrible day on Wednesday, Kaylee turned 9 on Thursday! I seriously CANNOT believe my 1st born is 9 years old. Makes me feel old. We had a spa sleepover last night that involved 6 pre-teen girls, a banana mask, sugar scrub, lemon soak and a fun eye mask. I am tired today. So very tired. This makes me feel even older.

After the clean up of the spa birthday extravaganza, I went to get ready for the day. I came back into the living room to a very distinct smell. This smell hit me in the hallway. I stopped and looked around. Then I looked down.

My eyes then witnessed pink fingernail polish all over a leather ottoman and my baby girls fingers (note I did not just say fingernails). OMG! Grace was digging through Kay's gifts and found some fingernail polish (that happened to be in a plastic sealed container). She opened said container, got out the polish, opened the polish bottle, then proceeded to pretty up herself and my ottoman. Mama cleaned up her fingers and I am hoping that Ryan can clean up the ottoman. Oh, the life with a toddler.

sad news

2010-07-16T16:44:00.001-05:00

Something very unexpected happened to Thing 1 and Chocolate Thunda on Wednesday. Let's just say that they will always be in our memories. That is all I will say about that.

the naming ceremony

2010-07-11T11:51:00.006-05:00

It is official, the kittens have been named. It is a tantalizing tale... the kids saw the kittens the morning after we returned from our vacation and named them "tiger" and "oreo." the parental units had no say in these names. i wanted the family to pick out names for the kittens so we put off naming them (we as in me) until kay returned home from church camp on friday.

So friday evening around the dinner table, we each wrote out our ideas for cat names. we put them in little bowls and the 2 older children both got to draw a name. the names that were picked no one really liked. go figure. so we re-thought of names and put them back in the fun little bowls. just like 5 minutes prior, the older children drew the names. again, we didn't like what was picked. so mom (aka me), said the kittens will be named certain names.

The story behind the names... Have you seen Cat in the Hat with Mike Myers? There is part when he (the Cat) introduces Thing 1 and Thing 2. The Cat introduces Thing 1 as Thing 1. Then Thing 2 as Thing 2. Thing 2 says:

Thing Two: Don't belittle me.
The Cat: Ah, yes of course. Thing 2 would like to clarify that just because he wears the number 2 does not imply in any way that he's inferior to Thing 1.
Thing Two: And all of the above.
The Cat: He says you may feel free to call him Thing A if you like. He will also accept Super Thing, Thing King, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate Thun-da.
The Cat: Thing 1 says he's Thing 1 for a reason and some people should just get used to it. It's a Thing thing, you wouldn't understand.

This has been Ryan's favorite part of this movie, for forever. It makes me laugh as well. So for that reason, I (aka mom) made the executive decision and named our kittens the names as illustrated by our children:

The children and I are very excited by their names. Grace says "Chocolate Thunda" surprisingly clear. It makes me giggle each time.

Some of the other name suggestions: stripey, dottie, vampire, warewolf, just to name a few.

our house

2010-07-09T14:54:00.003-05:00

Wow, what a vacation can do to you. It is only today, 4 days after returning, do I feel back to normal. A grand time was had by all, no one got lost, no one cried more than once a day. I consider that a successful vacation.

When we returned late on Monday evening, we were greeted by our newest family members.

You can see that these guys have the same picture taking capabilities of my youngest. I took 8 pictures and they all look like this, blurry and not cute (sigh). Trust me, they are cute in real life.

Back to why we doubled our pet population... We have a rodent problem here in our house since we live amongst 1 billion trees. We have voles, shrews, mice, snakes, etc. The before mentioned like to come in our house and setup shop. So we are hoping that these 2 bad boys will help detour the little varmints. They will be outside pets to set a boundary between the pests and the house. Go kittens go! (they don't have names yet, k was gone at camp all week.)

Happy Independence Day for the US & Rwanda!

2010-07-04T20:50:00.002-05:00

Today, the 4th of July, is our great country's Independence Day as well as the last day of the Rwandan genocide. On this day we declared our country's freedom as well as the Rwandan's taking their country back.

Here are a few pics from today...

Tommorowland Transit.

Grace is still working on LOOKING at the camera. Smile is down pat.

Swiss Family Treehouse

driving a boat, such concentration

Mimi and Kay driving a race car

It took G about 3.4 seconds to crash. This is how we all feel :)

Grace also loved the fireworks. She kept saying "more, more." She is officially obsessed with "me me mouse" (note the pjs) and really did great on the trip. The big kids had a blast and we got all activities but 2 done on our list. We are all anxious to get home and see Ryan. We have missed him! So tomorrow we had back to our sweet little house in our cozy little town. Can't wait.

More Rida

2010-07-04T09:35:00.003-05:00

watching a performance at Epcot. G thought it was so funny.

Being totems in Canada

with Mimi B - Fish are friends, not food

there were characters all over yesterday! we are not big character people on a daily basis but it is fun at the parks. In order for G to be in the pic, she wanted me to hold her. This was the only character pic she would be in. Her face says it all (close up below).

"help me"

More Flo

2010-07-02T18:52:00.003-05:00

G is such a Smith. All of our kiddos don't like life-size characters much. Kay was 6 before she was alright with them and C was 4 or so. It made me laugh. She would let him sign her book but wouldn't take a picture. She screamed instead.

G enjoying Cocoa Beach with C digging in the back.

To an ethnic hair virgin, this should be interesting to get out.

Bike ride tonight. C ended up sitting in front with G. An hour ride only lasted 30 minutes!

Flo-rida

2010-07-02T18:33:00.002-05:00

The kids and I, along with my mother in law Brenda and my sis in law Breanna, hit the skies and headed to Orlando for a little bit of R & R (if you can call it that at all, it has been neither, ha!).

Due to Hurricane Alex, we were a day late in arriving to our destination. However, with just a little bit of schedule shuffling, we will still be able to get all of our plans accomplished (again, no R&R).

The kids have done great and Grace is having a wonderful time. We were here in fall of 2007 so the big kids are remembering all of their favorite things and showing their little sister.

the trio before we hit the magic kingdom

after our day at the kingdom, look at Cannon's pained expression and notice G's new ears!

Animal Kingdom fun along with Aunt Bre

the trio before they headed into the ocean. G's first visit. She loved jumping into

the waves and digging in the sand. The big kids loved crashing into the waves.

G at the pool this afternoon. She is such a fish! "Mo pool, Mo pool."

You know if...

2010-06-24T17:02:00.001-05:00

You know you're an adoptive parent (or should be) if:
1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.

2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.

3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.

4. The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.

5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.

6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about adopted child's "real" parents.

7. You have ever been "pregnant" with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth.(2 years!)

8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing where God calls you He will provide.

9. You have ever taken an airplane ride half-way around the world with a child you just met.

10. You believe God's heart is for adoption.

11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.

12. You know what the word "Dossier" means, and you can actually pronounce it!

13. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.

14. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have him or her in your life.

Totally stole this from another Rwandan family blog, the Vanderpools! Thought is was totally appropriate :)

Summer Randomness

2010-06-21T21:04:00.004-05:00

It is officially summer as of 6:28 CST this morning. We are definitely in the melting stage here in our state. It has been warmer than usual but that has been nice when it comes to the pool temperature. The kids have spent a lot of time in the water. Grace has become a fish and loves to just float around the pool in her little floaty boat. Cannon has pretty much taught himself to swim over the last 2 summers. He knows the basics from lessons but is really doing alot more on his own. It is fun to see the 2 of them become such water babies.

G has been official for a week. It doesn't feel very different than it has the last 7 months. Too bad the official-ness doesn't help in the potty training department. If only the judge could order the child to only go in the potty, all would be right with the world.

Here is a new family picture by Averi Blackmon (www.averiblackmon.com). She has taken pictures of our kids since Cannon was an infant. She has since moved to Texas but was up for the Memorial Day weekend. She got some great family shots. This is one that I like. Everyone is smiling and looking at the camera at the same time which is not an east feat with Grace in the picture. She is still learning the art of sitting and smiling... I love my little family. I love the uniqueness of us. I don't like how my arm looks bigger than my body. Not quite sure what happened there. Maybe it is my mom muscles showing.

It is official...

2010-06-15T17:59:00.002-05:00

It happened. This morning on the 3rd floor of a county courtroom. In the eyes of the United States, Elina Muhoza is officially Grace Elina Smith. She is now a United States citizen as well as an Okie.

Our family with our wonderful lawyer and the judge.

Our family and friends who came to share this special day with us.

June 15: Exciting Day

2010-06-15T09:00:00.003-05:00

So today is a very exciting day in the Smith family.

1) it is Ryan's 34th birthday today! Can't believe we are getting so old. We have know each other since we were 16 so 34 feels old, real old.

2) it is Grace's readoption day today! At 9am we are headed down to the courthouse were I do believe Grace will become a full fledge Oklahoma and US citizen. So exciting.

I will post pictures soon.

Kay and Chewing

2010-06-11T21:13:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I will get to see my sweet eldest child at around 4pm. We left her at kamp 11 days ago. The first week I am always ok. The last few days I am so ready to see her that I can barely stand it. I want to hug her and hear all about her time there. I am glad that she isn't leaving for college any time soon...

On a totally different note, Grace doesn't chew. Well, she does chew big bites of food. But with small bites of food (mac & cheese, rice, corn etc) she swallows them in their entirety. We have been battling this since we got her. Ryan keeps saying that this is just part of the orphanage life that is still with her. That is true. But how do you teach her to chew? Any ideas, we are open.

Next Tuesday is a big day in the Smith household...stay tuned!

new school & no nap

2010-06-08T16:25:00.003-05:00

Grace started her new "school" today. This school is very dear to our hearts as this is where Kay and Can also attended for many years. Today, with all of the excitement of the new school, Grace didn't nap. She was in full non-nap mode when I picked her up. Running around, saying no, crying, etc. Fun times for mom :). After a teary-eyed drive home, Grace went to her room to calm down. I did some things then realized it was awfully quite in her room. I went to check on her and this is what I found:

My thought is that she thought "I will sit close and close my eyes for just a minute" and then crash...

Turning a corner

2010-06-04T17:08:00.002-05:00

This week I have noticed a lot of little things. I do believe Grace is turning the corner in her affections for me. Since we first met our little Grace, she has been attached to Papa like white on rice. She loves her Papa with all that she is and that hasn't changed.

However, over the last week she has been much more affectionate with me. She is coming up and hugging me unprompted. This is big for me. For the last 6 months, I have had to get a hug from her or ask for a kiss. This week she has just come up and given me a hug for no reason. She is not crying (as much) when Papa leaves her and she is not asking for Papa all. day. long.

She and I are having a better time together. She is obeying me better (more than she was). She is engaging with me instead of worried about wear Papa is. We are communicating better. Our social worker said it would be summer before Grace settled into our family and she started acting more "normal." I am seeing this change before my own eyes.

I am thankful for her affections for her Papa. I am glad that she bonded so deeply with him. I am fine if he is always her favorite. But to be honest, I really was feeling left out. Grace always wanted Ryan, always. This broke my heart as I wanted to cuddle, comfort and enjoy my daughter. I worked so hard to bring her home. My soul ached for her all that time while we were in our process. My heart is now filled with a new joy as Grace is loving on her mama. Thank you God for our new normal.

Kay

2010-06-01T10:52:00.001-05:00

picture taken by Averi Blackmon with www.averiblackmon.com

Kaylee has been talking alot about becoming a missionary when she grows up. She talks about helping others in her adult life. I tell her to become a teacher or a nurse because everywhere needs both of those professions. Wow. I can totally see her doing that. She is very compassionate and very mindful of those in need. She talks about helping in an orphanage someday. Wow. When I was 8 almost 9 my thoughts were not of that. I pray that she continues down this path and that we as parents can help her become who she desires to be.

Holy Moly

2010-05-31T23:32:00.003-05:00

Picture taken by Averi Blackmon, www.averiblackmon.com

The last 6 months have been wonderful, hard, fun and exhausting. Getting to know our daughter is something that we work at everyday. With our bio kiddos, we were able to watch them grow and develop their personalities and habits since birth. With Grace, we were thrown into a 2 1/2 year old who is very independent and some times down right ornery. Alright, most of the time down right ornery.

On several occasions, Ryan and I have been taken by surprise. We go about our daily habits, rituals, schedules then bam! we realize there is a little brown girl living in our house. It is a surprise that fills me with God's love and so much pride. I am proud of Grace and how far she has come since we got her in late November. I am proud of her bond with us and how she is a perfect fit into our family. I am so thankful that God picked her to be a Smith because it seems like she was made for us. Well, I know she was made specifically for us.

Tonight while eating dinner, Ryan said "don't you just want to know what she is thinking" as Grace sat there finishing her "izza" in her polka-dot swimsuit. Yes, I do. I want to know what she is thinking as these crazy white people keep having her try new things, love on her and take her places. Then there is the serious part of that question: I want to know if she remembers the orphanage. I want to know if she remembers her friends and caregivers. I want to know if she misses that piece of her life.

I hope she does. I hope that she carries that piece with her always. That piece is such an important part of who she is and hopefully where she will go. That piece is how she got to us.

start to summer...

2010-05-29T22:01:00.000-05:00

how many?

2010-05-26T17:19:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow we will have been a family of five for six months. It is so hard to believe that that amount of time has passed. Then on the other hand it feels like Grace has always been a part of our family.

Our social worker told us in March that the amount of time Grace will need to get settled into our family is the number of months she was without us, that many weeks. So she was without us 31 months of her little life. Currently, we are in week 26. So that means in just 5 weeks she will be/feel completely a part of us.

In these last 6 months, she has come far. Her language is rocking along, her obsession with Papa is still strong (see previous post), her molluscum is just about gone, and her love for her yaya and dider (Can & Kay) is shown every day.

She is curious and excited to try new things, has decided she doesn't like strawberries, is playing more independently in her room, gives hugs and kisses whenever a family member departs, and says "bye" is a long drawn out southern accent.

She still will take food off of your plate without asking, she is obsessed with everything being "mine" and she still poops in her pants. Potty training is one of the things on the list that I am hoping comes in the next 5 weeks.

She loves to run errands and get out about town. She always wants "out" when we park the car. Her hair is growing into a little fro. She loves to get dressed in the morning and then at night in her pjs. She still is passionate about shoes. We have progressed from our lovely furry pink and yellow croc boots to flip flops and shoes with sparkles.

Lastly, her little cheek won't stay in her suit. All day we have fought this battle. It falls out, mama puts it back in. I decided to give up and just let it all hang out. It's kinda cute.

This mornings comment

2010-05-26T13:36:00.002-05:00

This morning I took the big kids to school and left Grace here with Ryan. After I dropped them off, I came right back home. I walked in and Grace said "mama, out, me stay with papa." This girl loves her papa...

Families

2010-05-24T21:39:00.004-05:00

There are several families in Rwanda right now picking up their precious children. Check out their journeys and pray for them!

http://waitingforjubilee.blogspot.com

http://stepsdirected.blogspot.com

www.theneeleys.blogspot.com

http://kronerkorner.blogspot.com

12

2010-05-23T14:06:00.003-05:00

Today, at 6:15 pm, Ryan and I have been married for 12 years. This August we will have been together for 18 years. We started dating when I was 15 and he was 16. It was the first week of high school for me and he was a junior. Seems like a lifetime ago. I have lived more with him than without him at this point. Crazy to think about that. We have definitely had our ups and downs but after 12 years we seemed to have figured it out. Here to as Cannon would say, 35,000, more! Love ya babe!

It has begun...

2010-05-22T11:43:00.002-05:00

Well, after much begging, Ryan and I finally caved and let the kids get into the pool today. The water is a warm 68 degrees and the kids took their first plunge at 9:45 this morning. Brrrr is all I have to say.

This was Grace's first time swimming or in a pool (at least we don't think the orphanage was taking field trips to the local pool in Kigali). She was very cautious at first and only stayed on the steps. I am sure part of it had to do with the water being so dang cold. She screamed in delight when splashed and she loved to throw things in the pool. She like wearing the masks/goggles too. The big kids had them on and her favorite thing to do is "natch" (match). About 20 minutes in Kay had her in the shallow end and Grace clung to her as they dipped in and out of the water. I have a feeling once the temperature rises she will really enjoy the pool. This is a good thing because during the summer Kay & Can are in the pool everyday, usually several times a day. Bring on summer, the Smith's are ready!

2010-05-17T18:46:00.002-05:00

A lot of things going on around here...baseball, softball, picnics, teeth loss, matching, crazy ok weather. A lot of things going on in my head and my heart. Fun times :)